


First Face This Face Saw

by Lionesskeeper



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Friendship/Love, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4907953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionesskeeper/pseuds/Lionesskeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor needs time to think before he brings Clara on board again and bumps into an old friend that he hasn't seen in years.<br/>(Missing Scene in Deep Breath)</p>
<p>Slightly Twelve/Clara (if you squint)<br/>Can be seen as pre-relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Face This Face Saw

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. The BBC do and Steven Moffat writes it. If I was, I would bring back the Autons again and have an episode where we would finally see a battle between a Sontaran and a Reuton.
> 
> "The marks humans leave are too often scars"- John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

_Most times now when he fell asleep in his new thirteenth body he dreamt of Gallifrey, though most times when he did now his dreams focused on his youth there:_  
_He was smaller, wearing his regular everyday robes. It was before he had to look into the untempered schism, before he took the name 'Doctor'. As a child he was sociable when he had to be, he had a few really close friends from the academy. But at the same time he enjoyed his own company. Regularly finding ways of escaping the academy. He would find himself exploring the caves of Mount Cadon. On one of these occasions, he had stumbled upon the cave that the hermit known as K'anpo Rimpoche. K'anpo took a special interest in him and became a mentor to him. Though a secret one. One of the days during his lessons, the class was introduced to K'anpo themselves who started to tell them ghost stories and stories about heroes of Gallifrey._  
_On one of the times that he visited K'anpo, the hermit had told him that he would have to remember that the first face that he would see after his regeneration would become very important to him. When the Doctor pushed him to know what K'anpo meant by that, the old hermit just smiled and told him that he would understand in time before meditating again._

  
In the early years, he paid little attention to the saying. That was until he was forced by his own people to regenerate. In a way, the old hermit's words were right. The first face that his face would see after his regeneration was very important. It anchored him, gave him more of a purpose rather than just flying around aimlessly in space.  
The Brigadier and Liz were the first faces that his third face saw. For all extents and purposes, he was glad to help them secretly. Although, he would never let on to the Brigadier that fact. When Liz left and went back to Cambridge, he was left at a bit of a loss. Sometimes a change in friend was what he needed at that period in time, as had happened with his dear Jo, she really brought out the best in him when he had needed it the most.(He must go back and see her again sometime soon, he mused.)  
Sarah Jane and again, The Brigadier. It would seem that those two would never be too far away from him, up until The Brigadier died that is. That was rather a surprise to him, he so wanted his old friend Lethbridge Stewart to see him one last time. Just to see his face when he spotted that he was wearing a bow tie like his younger self had all those years ago. But again when the universe takes away one friend from him, she finds another one for him.  
Nyssa, Adric and Tegan were there for him during his difficult first steps of his fifth regeneration. And over time one by one they left him. Adric was the first. Then Tegan left him leaving him with Nyssa. But by a turn of fate, Tegan ended up right back with him. Even though sometimes he would complain about her, he was secretly glad that she had come back to him. But it would seem that they would get tired of all the death and destruction which seemed to always follow him around.  
Peri was there for his Sixth regeneration. He was a little rude to her, he would admit that now. His sixth face was a little stubborn at times. He tried to kill her, he didn't mean to. He was in the middle of the first forty eight hours of his regeneration, it was a delicate time for him. But he was really glad that she was with him."Do you really think I would abandon you" She was an anchor when he needed her. He would never forget the guilt and rage he felt when he thought she had died when they were on Jaconda or the relief and happiness he felt when he found that she was still alive. And when she had been taken from him, the anger returned. It was his own anger that helped him to defeat the Valeyard.  
He was happy that she lived and was now a warrior queen.  
And then other times it was harder like that time with Grace and Mel when he had lost his memory. He never truly felt that he anchored himself to anyone those two times. However, he soon found this didn't last long for him, after all he really wanted in those years was for someone to make him feel less alone. He would get that with Ace, C'riss, Lucy and Charlie. With Ace, he would help her to become more responsible, even though for him that would be a big ask. With Charlie, C'riss and Lucy they helped keep him out of trouble, well somewhat out of trouble.  
Then there was that time when he didn't go by the name of the Doctor, when he had no one. It mattered less to him then. That was until the time that he forgot, the time of the Moment and Clara. In a way when he looked back on it she had saved him again then.  
Then there was Rose, the Bad Wolf girl, the first face that his new face saw twice in both his ninth and tenth life. Her image seared permanently on both his hearts.  
Then his dear Amelia. He looked into her young eyes and seemed to see his younger self staring back at him, from before he looked into the schism. Things were easier for him then  
This time when he regenerated she was there. His Clara, the woman twice dead. The woman who had been there for all his lives, now permanently there in his hearts as the first face that his new face saw. She had saved him again at Trenzalore, he was sure of it.  
Even though he was never really alone with the TARDIS, he was alone now. He had taken off without her, he needed time to think. To get used to his new body and how it moved. To test its limits before she came on board again with him. He knew that she no longer saw him in the same light as before. He hoped though that she would stay with him.  
At that moment a creeping fear started to build up inside of him, the hairs at the back of his neck stood on end. He spun around and was greeted by a man in a suit; in his hand he was clasping some prayer beads.  
Then it dawned on him who was standing in front of him.  
The person in front of him was his old mentor K'anpo Rimpoche.  
"Hello there, old friend." K'anpo greeted him.  
"You've changed again" the Doctor noted.  
"Many times my friend, as have you" the hermit replied with a smile.  
"What regeneration are you on old friend, if you don't mind me asking?" The Doctor asked his friend.  
"Oh, we I believe I'm on the third regeneration of my second cycle. And you are on your first of your second cycle I believe" K'anpo replied.  
"Yes" he replied with a shy smile as he looked down.  
"Believe me my boy, it was a surprise to me when I was granted a second cycle too. As you know yourself, the Time Lords only grant a second cycle of regenerations to a select few. However I think the Lady President might have been behind it. One of her last acts before all hell broke loose with the time war" K'anpo told him.  
"Romana" the Doctor said wistfully with a small smile.  
"Ah yes, another one of my pupils. She was a bright spark" K'anpo replied.  
The Doctor gave a small smile.  
"Something is bothering you my friend" K'anpo mused.  
"The first face that this face saw" the Doctor said simply.  
"Ah yes, that" he replied.  
"How did you know?" the Doctor asked him searchingly.  
"I sensed a long time ago that it would become important for you. Besides my friend, you are far more that just another Time Lord." K'anpo replied.  
The Doctor chuckled to himself and remembered for a moment when he said that before against the Daleks. Then a look of fear graced his feature.  
"What is bothering you old friend?" K'anpo asked him.  
"When they used to leave me, the first that each face saw. It would leave a scar on my hearts. What will happen when she leaves me?" the Doctor asked his friend. One of the rare times he felt genuinely scared.  
"My friend, it will be like every other time before" K'anpo reassured him.  
"And what if I don't want to have it like that again" the Doctor asked his friend.  
"Well then my friend, the mark will be deeper. But that's nothing to be afraid of" K'anpo told him.  
"I suppose I'll have to live with that" the Doctor found himself saying. He immediately thought of that his War self had said and smiled.  
"I suppose you have to all right old friend" K'anpo replied with a smile.  
The Doctor shifted uncomfortably as he felt K'anpo's eyes take his new form in.  
"Ah, now that's interesting" K'anpo said.  
"What is?" the Doctor asked.  
"You have your mother's eyes" K'anpo replied.  
"Oh, I always have those in every regeneration. They even got me in trouble one time in San Francisco" the Doctor replied with a chuckle.  
"Ah yes, that business with Koschei...No, the Master. That's how he likes to be called" K'anpo replied.  
"Yes" the Doctor sadly.  
"It's not your fault you know, it was never your fault my boy. We place trust and responsibility with those we put into power. It's not our fault that they abuse that, it's their fault for thinking that they can manipulate people like that, even drive them crazy like they did poor Koschei" K'anpo told him.  
"He came back to me y'know, the old Koschei. I could see it in his eyes before he sacrificed himself and saved the earth" the Doctor told him.  
"And what about yourself Doctor. Do you know who you are still?" K'anpo asked him.  
"Sometimes I think I do. Sometimes though I look in the mirror and I wonder am I the same man who started off travelling with his granddaughter all those years ago. Or am I now more like a broom, parts replaced so much so that there's not a trace of the original me left?" the Doctor asked K'anpo.  
"You are who you have always been Doctor inside. And like Corsair, you have kept at least one small thing belonging to your original body. It can be found whenever you look at anyone with those eyes of yours. The first face that each of your faces has always been important to you because it links you to that tiny part of you that sets you apart from other Time Lords" K'anpo told him.  
"Perhaps" the Doctor replied adding "Will she ever see me the same as she saw him?"  
"She will. Give her time to get used to the new face though Doctor. Don't rush her too much" K'anpo replied with a wink.  
"Ah yes. I suppose you mean the phone call" he asked his friend.  
"You did what you needed to do Doctor. I just hope the amount of effort that you made to reassure your...friend was rightly justified" K'anpo replied.  
"What do you mean by that?" The Doctor asked pointing accusingly in K'anpo's direction.  
"You rang her to make sure she was ok and not to be afraid of you when you did regenerate. You also waited until she was on board to take flight and then you regenerate in front of her." K'anpo told him simply.  
"I don't know what you seem to be implying old friend, but…" the Doctor started to say.  
"You did the same thing with Rose" K'anpo interrupted.  
"That doesn't mean anything" the Doctor bit back.  
"Doesn't it?" K'anpo replied with a wry smile.  
The Doctor scowled and sighed, there was no point in hiding from his mentor.  
"Yes, ok you're right. But she can never know" the Doctor told his friend.  
"So, go back to her. As I recall, you did leave her rather abruptly in Victorian London. K'anpo told him adding "Oh, and Doctor"  
"Yes old friend" the Doctor replied.  
"Be patient with her. She needs time to adjust. Remember, her mind at the moment is just as muddled as yours is at the moment." K'anpo replied and with that, he disappeared.  
The Doctor smiled wistfully and then moved to the TARDIS console.  
"Ok old girl, let's go back and get Clara." he told his ship setting the coordinates.  
The TARDIS hummed contentedly and made it back precisely a few hours later from when he left Clara. When they land he looks at the outside on the monitor and waits until he sees her, she had been running excitedly up to the TARDIS but had stopped dead. She now looked nervous. He turned off the monitor and swiftly made his way up the stairs to sit and wait for her in an armchair.  
A few seconds later he heard the door of the TARDIS open timidly.  
"Here goes nothing" he thought to himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> "You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so... get on your way!" - Dr Seuss


End file.
